Watch now: What's next for Normal 'Idol' star Leah Marlene after the show's 'fever dream'

The 21-year-old singer-songwriter, who grew up playing to local audiences in Bloomington-Normal, chatted with The Pantagraph last week about what life has been like for her with the successful "Idol" run on her heels. She also detailed how’s she’s been adapting to the reality of a music career post-"Idol," handling the pressures of entertainment industry expectations and staying true to herself and her music. She also discussed her big move to Los Angeles and embarking on her next adventure.

Marlene said her upcoming Aug. 27 show at the Corn Crib Stadium in Normal will be her top focus for the next month. She’s hoping to recreate the magic of the hometown visit and street concert that drew thousands to Uptown Normal, footage of which aired on "Idol" during the May 22 finale episode. 

Tell us about your favorite memories from American Idol.

It's really weird, because it feels like it all was a lifetime ago and it feels like it was a fever dream. I'm actually in Normal right now. I just moved to LA but I've been in Normal for a few days. But I'm in my basement right now. And after the show, I came back to my basement and I was like, did any of that even happen? I’m just like back here, and I don't even know what just happened. It felt like a fever dream.

Anyway, so accessing that now after what feels like years since I've been off the show is interesting.

Favorite memories: I would say that the last two weeks of the show were like all of my wildest dreams coming true at once … just so quickly, years and years of a career of dreams just happening in the span of 10 days. So of course, meeting and being mentored and singing with Carrie Underwood was one of the coolest things in the world. She is the one that put the dream in me to do this music thing. I would watch her music videos as a kid and just want to be her.

If you go on my YouTube channel from when I was 8 years old, almost like half the videos on there are me singing Carrie Underwood songs. She was like one of the first artists that I dove deep into her discography and learned like everything. So that was incredible.

Obviously, singing with Katy Perry was a very similar thing ... when I found out that I was gonna be doing a duet with her — first of all — I flipped out. That was the coolest thing ever.

But then I got the little demo of arrangement of our duet that had her voice on it, and I was actually on the private jet, flying home from the hometown visit when I heard it. Just hearing her voice, I was like "holy cow!" That's the voice of my childhood that I'm about to be singing with.

You kind of forget, because she's a human that you've interacted with a lot at this point of the show. And then you're like "oh my god." Her and Carrie Underwood are two of the biggest staples of my entire growing up. So that was crazy.

Singing with those people, same as Sara Bareilles and getting to talk with her, those were huge highlights. Honestly, the whole ride of "American Idol" and just being with all of my friends and getting to experience something so unique with everybody was incredible. I genuinely had the best time. It was really, really hard sometimes, but there were very few moments where I wasn't having fun — even when it was really hard.

There was never a time where the difficulty wasn't worth it … You were like chasing your dreams and having the experience of a lifetime.

Just continuing with these reflections, a few things we last discussed were what you've learned from "Idol," how you developed yourself as a musician, and how pre-"Idol" you worked a lot on yourself and your mental health. Now that you're out of "Idol," has all the fame given you a new perspective on that?

Coming off the show has been an experience and a half. Not gonna lie, it’s been really hard. I actually just opened up about it on Instagram yesterday... But I feel like I've been maintaining this perception of, "I’m living in the dream, man!" And that's what "American Idol" wants you to think: This is the big break and everything changes here. The public perception is that people that do well on the show, they got it made now … It's all figured out and whatever.

That's simply not the case, and I knew that going into it ... I always saw the show for what it was, I never expected it to be a golden ticket to anything. But nothing can prepare you for being on the show, and nothing can prepare you for coming off the show. It's something that I'm just learning how to navigate right now.

I’m at really interesting point where you're talking to me right now because I think I'm reevaluating everything about my perspective and my game plan. When I first came off the show, I was so on fire to make something happen out of the show. I just started working nonstop, and meeting with everybody I could think of. Now it's been two months and I've been going in circles and I'm hitting a wall and it's not a very effective way to do things and it's not a good way to live as a human being either.

I am just trying to reevaluate exactly how to be going about all of this post-show now in a healthy way. I'm discovering that as I go. But, I will say, still, just as it was on the show, everything that I went through before the show has set me up so beautifully to be able to walk through this process in a stable manner.

It has been so incredibly hard. The first month off the show, pretty much every day I would have a good cry — a good mental breakdown. This month, it's a little bit less, but it's a lot. I'm processing through this circumstance in a very healthy way, but it doesn't make the circumstance any less hard.

"American Idol" is a crazy rocket ship up to the stratosphere and then it all ends in one night. Unless you get signed immediately coming off the show, you are completely on your own to figure out what on earth do you do with that. It's a very unique experience that nobody can understand unless they've literally been in your shoes.

Even then so, everybody's journey is unique within that. It's just a lot to sort through. It's not a matter of willingness to work hard or knowing enough about the industry. There are so many paths you can take ... It's a matter of finding the right one and really putting your blinders on and focusing and putting all the energy into that place. But it's really hard to know which path is the right one.

Getting into that, you last talked to us about playing for the masses versus doing more abstract material. Are you still working on that balance between doing stuff that really makes you feel like you can live to your weirdest as an artist, but also make a living and land a deal?

That's been quite a predicament and I'm trying to figure out how to answer that.

The show really is a mind warp and it will kind of make you reevaluate everything you believe in as a human and as an artist. Before the show, I was just getting back on my feet as a human. I was like, "If I could just do music I believe in and literally play shows just around town and be able to make a living..."

I mean, that wasn't like a dream. It didn’t sound like I was super excited about that. I was like, if I can do that, if that's like the low bar, I can do that, like I'll be okay.

Then I went on the show and I was like "woah, I can like dream a lot bigger than that." And, I hadn't dreamed like that since I was a kid. The show makes you feel like you could have these really big dreams and make them come true.

Coming off the show and realizing some of my biggest dreams in certain aspects ... it's been really confusing to navigate what parts of that are just the hype of getting to experience the peak of what superstardom feels like on a show like that, and then what I actually want and need to be fulfilled as a musician and a human ...I'm still navigating that. I was really confused the first month coming off the show. I was like; "Do I even know what genre I am? Am I going to try to make something commercial for the sake of making it commercial?"

For a second there, I was like "maybe I do want to be a pop star. Maybe I want to assimilate." Now, I've definitely come a long way. I just want to make music that matters to me that I could feel in every part of my being. I know that in doing that, it'll matter to other people and other people will be able to feel it in a very similar way.

I want to do that and take it as far as I possibly can ... So ideally, the masses will relate ... and then it's like a whole thing. But even if not, I'm in this for the music and nothing else. It's one of those things where I can't not do it. I cannot not make music for my living. And so, music can't not be the focus of it. I could not just make mediocre music or music to fit in something just so I can achieve some sort of entertainment industry goal.

I think there's a difference between artists that are entertainers and use music as a vessel to entertain, and there's nothing wrong with that. That has its own beauty. But I'm musician-songwriter first. That is the number one priority and then wherever the songs take me is where I go. I don't go somewhere and just make the songs try to fit into that.

Thank for really great answers. I know these are really big questions.

I appreciate the big questions as much. I'd much rather talk about this stuff than surface level.

Some of my next questions might be a little more surface level. What’s life been like for you post-"Idol," such as visiting Europe?

Post-"Idol," again, life has been very interesting. The overwhelming feeling is that I'm like a fish out of water or flailing off of a cliff. But I'm learning how to swim and I'm learning how to fly and it's OK.

This is something that I think a lot of people have assumptions about: No opportunity came to me when I came off the show. Not one person, not one manager, publisher, indie record label or anything. There was no interest that came to me.

I didn't expect for anything to just happen after the show. I was taken just slightly off guard that there was not like one interested person to help me in any way at all. It was like nothing, and so that was quite a shift at the beginning. But that put a fire under me to make stuff happen.

The one thing that I do have going for me is I was connected with an incredible booking agent. That has been such a weight lifted in terms of playing live shows and getting booked on some great opportunities. That's the one thing I kind of go through right now and he's been amazing.

So you have to make that happen for yourself, is what you’re saying?

Somebody that I knew connected us. I was working (hard) … taking meetings with everybody I could think of under the sun and writing so many songs and all that stuff. Nothing was coming out of that. In the midst of that, this agent thing just naturally happened without me doing anything. That I'm so grateful for. So, no that wasn't necessarily a connection that I made by myself. But it was in the midst of me trying to do everything else. So it's just like a huge relief.

That agent has been amazing. I've had so many show inquiries, I just couldn't keep up with that. He was able to jump on board and just get going on all that.

But the Europe thing was actually an opportunity to play for the U.S. Navy at two different Navy bases and then on an aircraft carrier. That was incredible, and it was like a super last minute thing and I had to like give my agent an answer on that phone call and just clear out my schedule.

It was such an incredible opportunity. Other than that, post-show, I went to Nashville pretty much directly after … And like I said, just meeting, talking with everybody I could think of to talk to, and then they're connecting to me to the next person, then I'm talking to them and it's just going in circle ... but I'm doing something. Then I was I was writing every day, and then I came back for a week and caught up on some administrative stuff. And then I was in Europe for the next eight days for that gig opportunity, which was amazing. Then I was home for two days, packed up my life and drove out to LA and just moved out to LA, and then I was there for five days. Then I went to Ontario to play some shows this past weekend, and then I have a show in Chicago this next weekend.

So I‘m just home for a few days, and then I'll be in LA, for like three weeks without leaving, with just literally being there to write …. take more meetings and all that stuff before my homecoming show, which then I'll come home and put my band together the week before that and then that'll be a thing.

I'm sure that felt great getting to do something for service members.

Oh, it was incredible. It was such an amazing experience especially. We got to stay on an aircraft carrier for two nights and three days and get like a full tour of so many different departments and meet so many different sailors and just get to know people and it was just so beautiful. It was amazing.

So you probably haven't had too much experience in the LA music world yet, but what's your thoughts on moving to that scene? Are you really excited to make new connections, similar to your experiences in Nashville?

I've been going to Nashville since I was a freshman in high school. So Nashville feels like home … I feel like if I don't know somebody there, I know them by extension, probably by many, many mutual friends. It just feels like a very small town and it's always there and I have such an incredible community of writers there.

It's already unlocked. It's not this big, mysterious overwhelming thing. That city has been explored and I can always explore it more, but it's there whenever I need it... And I know the kind of music that I write when I go there. I think that's why I wanted to give LA a shot. I've never tried it!

I'm really curious to discover what kind of music will come out of me collaborating with LA writers and me just being in very, very different scenery than I am usually in. I think I have mixed feelings … because it's really overwhelming. It's very expensive. There's a lot that's really hard about living in LA. Right now, when I am honestly feeling pretty lost at what my game plan is, it’s scary to be committing to such a big move and not have a lot set up there, because I'm still the one running the ship.

It is overwhelming to me knowing that I'm basically going to do what I did as a freshman in high school, making cold calls and planning my first trips to Nashville. I'm starting all over again with LA. I do know quite a few people there but it is a lot to start from scratch. It's going to be a lot of work and a lot of just research and cold emailing people and getting to know people from scratch. It's going to take time.

I'm excited and overwhelmed, but I think it's going to be a really beautiful adventure, even if it's quite a bit of a struggle at first. I think that is even more fuel for the fire of things to write about.

The next question I had was to go over some of the concerts you have planned. You said this weekend you're doing one around Chicago?

I'm playing in Evanston at Space (Live Music Hall) … and I'm opening up for Maddie Poppe and she's awesome. She won "American Idol" season 16. She’s also going to be playing on my Corn Crib show.

How was it playing in Ontario?

I just got back from Ontario. I played a private show this past Saturday. And then I played my first public appearance since "Idol" in Kemptville, Ontario. That was great. It was a last minute thing. My dad's in a band and he was playing that festival. So, I was just going to be there and then they got wind that I was going to be there. They were like, "well, we gotta get her on."

They talked to my agent and they hired me to do a little set. So it was really great to just get back out again. And, actually meet people in the flesh instead of just like looking at a camera.

Was that exciting to see another big crowd again?

Oh yeah. My dogs are coming down. Hi Meiko, do you want to say hi? Come here, come say hi!

I'm sure you really missed your dogs while you're away.

Oh, it sucks. That's the hardest part about being gone. Yeah, that's my family at all. But the dogs — I can talk to my family over FaceTime and full on interact with them. Dogs, you can't just like FaceTime them and like full on interact with them. It's not like I need to pet my family, but I need to like pet my dogs. You can’t do that over FaceTime.

Anyways, first public appearance since "Idol": It's interesting because I had done four shows before that. They just weren't public… But there's nothing that I love more than playing for people. The experience of just being so immersed in a musical moment with other people, it's just euphoric. It's magical.

When I can sing something and I know everybody's holding on to every word that I'm saying, and I feel I'm holding on to a group of people in the palm of my hand with what I'm saying, it's just so, so incredibly beautiful. I crave that feeling more than anything as an artist … To actually be out there and to be able to share in that deep immersive experience with people is the best. It was really good to be back out for sure.

I'm sure you felt that feeling very strongly at the Uptown Normal show, right?

Honestly, the Uptown Normal show, I was so unrehearsed — I hadn't played any of those songs in days. I was so dog tired by the show. I was like: "All these people are here to see me play. I don't even know what I'm playing but I'm just gonna play something and talk a little bit and it'll be good."

Honestly, I was so far gone at that show. It wasn't the same experience as a show that I'm actually prepared to play. But, it was a very, very incredible experience in another way.

What was so cool about that was just seeing the sea of people that were all united in one moment, sharing one experience together and just had so much excitement towards a united thing. And, I was the reason that so many people were brought together … that was what was so beautiful about that.

How are your collaborations going? I heard you're working with Fritz Hager and also Maddie Poppe too for the Corn Crib show.

I'm so excited to have Maddie and Fritz on the Corn Crib show. That is going to be the best lineup ever. The group of us three together is just such a perfect little group of people and the way that our sounds are all different but are so cohesive at the same time. Then also just personality wise, it's gonna be so great.

But outside of that, honestly post-show, I have yet to collaborate with anybody musically, because I think we're all just so busy figuring out our own lives. We've all been taking our space, just getting a game plan together and sorting out life.

I look forward to writing with many of my Idol friends in the future but I think we've just been taking our second to figure out life first.

Would you like to talk about the Corn Crib show that's coming up? I'm sure you're gonna be bringing a lot of energy to that and hoping some familiar faces too?

Oh, it's gonna be incredible. I'm trying to think of like any ticketed shows I’ve done … I think maybe once in my life, like 75 tickets of me headlining like, that's it. Now, we've got like thousands of tickets sold for this Corn Crib show where I'm headlining it. That is crazy.

I feel like the energy is gonna be very similar to the homecoming concert for "American Idol," where the whole entire community is coming together for this one thing. I just want to make it the most memorable fun night of music ever and having Fritz (Hager) and Maddie (Poppe) on the bill, it's just going to add so much to it. I hope to have both of them up during my set and sing with them.

All I know is that I'm putting this show as my main focus for the next month in my life. I'm thinking about it every day. I want to make it the best show I've ever played, and an incredible experience for this community, because this community has done so much for me.

I just want to like give back an incredible memorable night where everybody can just like forget about the world and their troubles and just have fun.

Is there anything that you would like to say all the support you’ve gotten from people in the Twin Cities?

I mean, the support is incredibly overwhelming. In many ways, it puts such a fire in me to make something out of all of this, because I want to be able to continue to make everybody proud and take this thing to the next level and be able to bring everybody along with me on that … I wouldn't have had half the experience I had on the show if it weren't for the support. Coming off of the show, I think it's scary because there's this one-year timeline where you’re like "everybody's gonna have their new obsession in a year when the next season comes along."

Then I’m like, that's simply not true. Yes, that's true for a lot of "American Idol" fans, but the people here in this town genuinely are fans and just huge supporters of me as a human and what I do. Every time I get stressed or feel the pressure of a certain timeline or that I'm supposed to be doing such and such by this point, I just think about the people that are really just here for me. They're not thinking like that — they're here for the long haul and that is an incredible relief.

I just posted on Instagram yesterday a pretty vulnerable like check in with where I'm actually at with everything, and that response has been just so overwhelming: 600-700 people have written paragraphs on that, of just their support. Here I am all afraid that all this is going to fade away and in a year from now, nobody's gonna care about anything. Then I go and I share a vulnerable piece of my heart with people and then I'm like, "dang, like this there is sustainability to all of this."

It's because of the people that really are invested and really do care. That is a huge relief and that's something that I like always come back to when I feel the pressure of everything else.

This community is not going anywhere, and I don't need to rush things because I have people that are genuinely here for me so I can do things the right way and they will still be there when the time comes.

We definitely felt a lot of that when we went out and interviewed your former teachers or classmates. Everybody's just rooting for you as the person you are — and not the ‘you’ that "American Idol" puts out there.

I passed by Prairieland Elementary on my way home a lot, and they still have a sign: “We're so proud of you Leah.”

I came back from Ontario and that was a really hard day. I was just was really, really down and had quite a mental breakdown on the way home, and then we drove past that sign and I was like, "oh, yeah, people still care! It's all gonna be okay, people are in this for the long run." 

I don't have to sell out for quick success just so that people will stick around. People are here. And they're so genuine, and it means the world.