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Men who do housework may get more sex
By David Crary
Associated Press
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NEW YORK -- American men still don't pull their weight when it comes to housework and child care, but collectively they're not the slackers they used to be.

The average dad has gradually been getting better about picking himself up off the sofa and pitching in, according to a new report in which a psychologist suggests the payoff for doing more chores could be more sex.

The report, released Thursday by the Council on Contemporary Families, summarizes several recent studies on family dynamics. One found that men's contribution to housework had doubled over the past four decades; another found they tripled the time spent on child care over that span.

``More couples are sharing family tasks than ever before, and the movement toward sharing has been especially significant for full-time dual-earner couples,'' the report says. ``Men and women may not be fully equal yet, but the rules of the game have been profoundly and irreversibly changed.''

Some couples have forged partnerships they consider fully equitable.

``We'll both talk about how we're so lucky to have someone who does more than their share,'' said Mary Melchoir, a Washington-based fundraiser for the National Organization for Women, who — like her lawyer husband — works full-time while raising 6-year-old triplets.

``He's the one who makes breakfast and folds the laundry,'' said Melchoir, 47. ``I'm the one who fixes things around the house.''

Joshua Coleman, a San Francisco-area psychologist and author of ``The Lazy Husband: How to Get Men to Do More Parenting and Housework,'' said equitable sharing of housework can lead to a happier marriage and more frequent sex.

``If a guy does housework, it looks to the woman like he really cares about her — he's not treating her like a servant,'' said Coleman, who is affiliated with the Council on Contemporary Families. ``And if a woman feels stressed out because the house is a mess and the guy's sitting on the couch while she's vacuuming, that's not going to put her in the mood.''

The report's co-authors, sociologists Scott Coltrane of the University of California, Riverside and Oriel Sullivan of Ben Gurion University, said they were addressing a perception that women's gains in the workplace were not being matched by gains at home.

``The typical punch line of many news stories has been that even though women are working longer hours on the job and cutting back their own housework, men are not picking up the slack,'' Coltrane and Sullivan wrote.

They said this perception was based on unrealistic expectations and underestimated the degree of change ``going on behind the scenes'' since the 1960s. The change, they said, ``is too great a break from the past to be dismissed as a slow and grudging evolution.''

Among the findings they cited:

—In the U.S., time-use diary studies show that since the '60s, men's contribution to housework doubled from about 15 percent to more than 30 percent of the total. Over the same period, the average working mother reduced her weekly housework load by two hours.

—Between 1965 and 2003, men tripled the amount of time they spent on child care. During the same period, women also increased the time spent with their children, suggesting mutual interest in a more hands-on approach to child-raising.

Sullivan and Coltrane predict men's contributions will increase further as more women take jobs.

``Men share more family work if their female partners are employed more hours, earn more money and have spent more years in education,'' they said.

Pamela Smock, a University of Michigan sociologist who also works with the council, said a persistent gender gap remains for what she called ``invisible'' household work — scheduling children's medical appointments, buying the gifts they take to birthday parties, arranging holiday gatherings, for example.

Marriage equality is more elusive among blacks than whites, with black women shouldering a relatively higher burden in terms of child care and housework, said council collaborator Shirley Hill, a sociology professor at the University of Kansas.

The report's overall findings meshed with what Carol Evans, founder and CEO of Working Mother magazine, has been observing as she tracks America's two-income couples.

``There's a generational shift that's quite strong,'' she said. ``The younger set of dads have their own expectations about themselves as to being helpful and participatory. They haven't quite gotten to equality in any sense that a women would say, 'Wow, that's equal,' but they've gotten so much farther down the road.''

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Reader comments on this story - 13 total

Note: All views and opinions expressed in reader comments are solely those of the individual submitting the comment, and not those of the Pantagraph or its staff.

gwreck wrote on Mar 6, 2008 8:59 PM:

" I believe the smartest thing for me is to avoid this one guys. Since I do about 25% of the household chores, and the sex is compassionately conservative; I am doing better than most. For that I am choosing to just say, no comment. "

420 wrote on Mar 6, 2008 4:41 PM:

" yes and if the headline read women do not earn their fair share of income we would hear all the feminist come out of their pantie hoses..... read your bible it will tell you the womans place is in the home not at Steve's BBQ shack, earning money

oh yeah all you Christians can't follow your own religions views. "

Paladin wrote on Mar 6, 2008 2:34 PM:

" ...hey, Political Heretic, it was supposed to be a joke. I'm actually quite a happy man, cynical or otherwise... ;~) "

Political Heretic wrote on Mar 6, 2008 1:43 PM:

" To Sweetniss34, Paladin, Gallows98, ml, and gatorbait. It sounds like a problem with your companion selection process to me. In the courting process, did it ever occur to you to make sure this was someone who would be your partner in performing the household chores? Probably not. How about someone who was sexually compatible, meaning they have the same level of drive and like "it" the same way you do. I doubt it. I guess I'm a lucky man, as I have both. Better choices go a long way to a happy life. Selecting your mate based on the criteria of other people and television makes for a dirth of longevity in relationships. "

Sweetniss34 wrote on Mar 6, 2008 12:49 PM:

" The day a man actually "pulls his weight" around the house is when hell freezes over! "

Paladin wrote on Mar 6, 2008 11:40 AM:

" ...I thought that marriage=slow, horrible death of the sex life was pretty standard, regardless of who folds the laundry... "

Political Heretic wrote on Mar 6, 2008 10:51 AM:

" I believe it. I cook, do dishes, do laundry, go grocery shopping, handle the recycling, clean the cat box, walk the dog, and take out the garbage without being asked or prompted and my wife shows her gratitude plenty. This might explain why I was once known as the "Happy" Cynic! "

ml wrote on Mar 6, 2008 10:28 AM:

" No kidding guys, this study is on track. I would absolutely feel more affectionate towards my husband if he helped me out more. When he doesn't help, I feel resentment because I work full time and take care of the cleaning and laundry. Resentment=out of the mood for lovin'. He cooks, but that it's not quite enough to balance the scale! "

gatorbait wrote on Mar 6, 2008 9:46 AM:

" huh....i do all the laundry (and have for years), vacuuming, 1/2 of the actual cleaning, and 1/2 of the dishes. overall, i put in probably 70% of the house work and i also have a full time job. i guess i need to go on strike for more benefits. "

The Tater wrote on Mar 6, 2008 9:31 AM:

" I don't get it. When I get married that means I get to do it whenever I want, right? What does housework have to do with it? "

Gallows98 wrote on Mar 6, 2008 9:01 AM:

" More housework = more sex?? That's crap! "

HereItIs wrote on Mar 6, 2008 8:59 AM:

" Wow! What an idea! Makes perfect sense - keeps the work load more evenly balanced and my wife happy- well worth it! Bring it on! "

ktlin wrote on Mar 6, 2008 7:57 AM:

" I think it is important to watch candidates when the camera is not "focused" on them. Watch Obama with his children! And with his wife! When Kerry was running for president when the camera was not focused on him sometimes his wife did not even want to walk with him. The point? Think of the role model that Obama would be while he is doing what he does naturally. And think of the role model that a Clinton administration would provide when they are doing what they do naturally. Our country needs a good role model and especially a good male role model at this point in time. This is just one reason to vote for Obama! Character matters and how you treat your spouse and children matter even more! It gives you an idea of what is important in this life. "
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