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Been there, done that
GO! doles out its 2007 array of entertaining awards
By Dan Craft
dcraft@pantagraph.com
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In terms of blinding revelations, 2007 couldn't quite keep pace with 2006 on the local arts and entertainment front.

After all, '06 bore witness to the same-year openings of two major downtown Bloomington venues, one with "coliseum" in its title, the other with "performing arts center."

Any year with one such opening would be noteworthy. But to have two such unveilings was lightning-strikes-twice stuff.

For all of that, 2007 still beat out 2006 in one major regard.

Because the U.S. Cellular Coliseum didn't host its first entertainment event until mid-April of '06 and the Bloomington Center for the Performing Arts didn't arrive until fall, the number of actual events didn't go off the chart.

This year, however, both venues began cranking out the attractions.

As a consequence, a record number of nationally touring attractions passed through Twin Cities limits between January and December.

On the down side, 2007 marked the first time that Illinois State University's Braden Auditorium had no Stars on Stage Series to offer in several decades.

The venerable subscription series was put on an indefinite hiatus, effective with the 2007-08 season. To date, no verdict has been handed down on when it might return.

To help us recall these and other developments on the '07 arts and entertainment front, GO! has assembled the following roster of awards. The envelopes, please.

The It-Pays-to-Be-a-Guitar-God-Before-You-Are-Shaving Award

To youthful blues guitar prodigy Joe Bonamossa, who played an 18-and-older gig at Bloomington's New Lafayette Club. Still under 30, Bonamossa was playing guitar at age 4, gigging at clubs by age 10, opening for B.B. King at age 12 and fronting his own blues-rock group for a major record label at age 14. And with good reason: "When you make a business mistake at 10, you can recover from it; when you're 24 and make a business mistake, you wind up on 'E!'s True Hollywood Story,' telling about how your house in Malibu got repossessed." (Note: The interview took place as Joe was tooling down the Pacific Coast Highway to his Malibu home, still un-repossessed as of press time.)

The What-For-Art-Thou-This-Time,-Romeo? Award

To the nationally touring Aquila Theatre Company, a New York-based troupe famous for having its irreverent way with the classics. In an interview prior to Aquila's February appearance at the Bloomington Center for the Performing Arts, founder Peter Meineck described Aquila's way with "Romeo and Juliet," which involves the audience pulling the names of actors and actresses out of a hat to decide who plays what roles. The result, he said: "You can get two middle-aged men playing Romeo and Juliet, or two women, or any combination thereof."

The Sinking-Without-a-Trace Award

To country singer Trace Adkins, who headlined a show at the U.S. Cellular Coliseum in March and talked about his career in a series of perilous metaphors that had us fearing for his arrival here. They ranged from being stuck "in the middle ground where it was a little iffy and could have gone either way," to "I hope my career is a marathon as opposed to a sprint," to "there are way more holes in the boat these days, and we're springing leaks all over the place." (We alerted the Coast Guard, just in case.)

The You'll-Never-Eat-Lunch and/or-Buy-Gucci-Bags-in-This- Town-Again Award

To comedian/actor/equal opportunity offender Damon Wayans, who came to Bloomington's Funny Bone Comedy Club in March to test out material for his new HBO special. In a GO! interview prior to the test run, he promised to push hot-button topics like the war in Iraq and the celebrity trend of white stars adopting black children. Per the latter: "Angelina Jolie ... Tom Cruise ... Steven Spielberg ... they adopt black kids like they're Gucci bags," he said, burning several bridges along the way, including the one leading into La La Land ("Everyone's a phony there.").

The Hair-Today-Gone-Tomorrow Award

To rocker Joey Allen, founding member and lead guitarist for veteran '80s "big hair" rockers Warrant, who were part of the '80s Invasion Tour that played the Peoria Civic Center. Asked if he minded being referred to as a "big hair" rocker, Allen fessed up, "I'm almost bald now ... follically challenged. I don't have big hair. I don't have any hair."

The Teach-the-Children-Well-Award

To Steve Carlson, one of the fabled hockey-brawling Hanson Brothers from the movie "Slap Shot" who appeared in March at a PrairieThunder game in the Coliseum. Recalling such epithet-riddled Hanson Bros. catch-phrases as "I'm listening to the (bleepin') song!," Carlson notes that, 30 years after "Slap Shot's" release, "We now have 5-year-old children coming up to us reciting our lines. And we usually look at the parents and go, 'you know, the movie was rated R.' And they say, 'we know, but he loves the film!'"

The Strangely-Ambiguous-Metaphor-Award

To comedian and Midwest native Tim Bedore, who played The Funny Bone in June, and described Midwest audiences as "all having Type-O blood, the kind that works with everybody. We're high quality vanilla ... good, fresh, high-quality vanilla syrup." (That was a compliment, by the way.)

The Fasten-Your-Seatbelt,-It's-Going-to-Be-a-Bumpy-Life-Award

To veteran rocker Commander Cody, who headlined this summer's Rock 'N Rods on Route 66 festival at Bloomington's Interstate Center. "It's been a life of violence," he confessed "with three '55 Fords that blew up ... the time my little brother blew up a '59 Chevy station wagon on the way to Ann Arbor, Mich., in 1965 ... the time I flipped over and was launched into the Pacific Ocean ... and the other time I hit a moose on the Massachusetts Turnpike. Luckily, I was never dead, just a little bashed up."

The Thank-God-Ma-Nuge-Knew-Where-to-Draw-the-Line Award

To both the late Ma Nugent and her still-living/breathing/ranting boy Ted, who turned the U.S. Cellular Coliseum into a breeding ground for cat scratch fever in August. Recalling his genetic disposition, he said, "I'm funnier than ma, because I go places she never would -- for example, she never would have written 'Wang Dang Sweet Poon Tang.'"

The Hey,-Hey-He's-a Monkee,-and They're-Not, Award

To former Monkees throb Davy Jones, who played a solo show at Bloomington's New Lafayette Club in August and diagnosed the current status of fellow Monkees members: "Mike (Nesmith) is very controlling and calculating, and needs a good hug. Mickey (Dolenz) is a great performer, but he's always looking for the next job and is a little self-centered. And Peter (Tork) -- Peter is just not in touch with his inner celebrity."

The Life-Is-a-Banquet-&-Most-Suckers-Are-Hockey-Pucks Award

To comedy legend Don Rickles, who played the Coliseum in September, and, with trademark sensitivity, expounded on the perks of being able to navigate a concert stage at his advanced age: "It's nice to be 81 and not sitting in a home somewhere going 'nnnn-nnnnn' and spitting up my breakfast over my cup of coffee."



Thank the stars for these odd little memories



By Dan Craft | dcraft@pantagraph.com

And, now, a sampling of some of the memorable, and sometimes mysterious, things entertainers offered forth during their interviews with GO! in '07:

Yes, but would she let you lock her in the same room with Jigsaw and the "Hostel" gang for a long weekend?: "The fact that Raven and I are friends makes it all the more comfortable to do things like grab her." -- Adrienne Bailon, one of Disney's Peoria Civic Center-filling The Cheetah Girls, describing her secondary role as Raven Symone's nemesis on the Disney Channel's "That's So Raven."

Have you considered renting instead?: "In selling them, it does appear that people, for some reason, would rather they come from China than Taiwan." -- Bill Fegan, producer/seller of the Golden Dragon Acrobats, who tumbled through the Bloomington Center for the Performing Arts Center in January.

Could we maybe exchange that for an ingrown toenail?: "If I showed you our Grammy schedule, you'd have a heart attack. I would elaborate, but I'm in the process of having a heart attack myself." -- Tiffany Schipp, publicist for troubadour John Mayer, who sold out the U.S. Cellular Coliseum in February and avoided cardiac arrest himself by having Schipp nix all interview requests.

Does that mean we should get tickets to Doodlebops this very minute?: "What I've learned in life is that the things I can't describe to someone else, or aptly put into words, are usually the only things worth going to see." -- Cirque du Soleil performer Michael Duffy, trying to describe Cirque's latest show, "Delirium," which played the Peoria Civic Center in March.

Frankly, this sounds like quite a bit more fun than Herbie, Dean: "I fell right into the fast track, with pretty girls, money and Ferraris." -- Actor and "Love Bug" icon Dean Jones, recalling his fast-and-furious '50s days as a hard-living contract player at MGM prior to his Laymen's Lenten Breakfast appearance at Bloomington's Interstate Center.

If it works out for you, give us a call: "I'm like Danny Glover says he is: too old for this (expletive deleted). So I'm trying to figure out a way where you can make money in your sleep." -- Comedian Damon Wayans, discussing our kind of retirement plan prior to his wide-awake March gig at the Funny Bone in Bloomington.

Ya know, we had the same urge at the Rickles show: "I thought to myself, 'I'm bored, and I'm gonna jump on stage.'" "It's now or never, mom." -- Sampling of the mother-dialogue that preceded this year's most infamous concert episode, when mom Laura Hinthorne charged the stage of Trace Adkins' U.S. Cellular Coliseum show in March, at daughter Terra's urging. Mom wound up hugging and being lifted skyward by big ol' Trace ("He's freakin' huge," Laura told us).

Just in case you were wondering about the loose-fitting clothes and that rocket parked outside: "The audience has to be prepared to see some very crazy things. We jump. We dance. We travel to outer space. But we don't take our clothes off." -- Jorge Gomez, founding member and music director for Miami's Tiempo Libre, which performed a BCPA show in March.

It hurts us just to type these words with our fully intact fingers: "It was ... ripped clean out!" -- "Radical" Ryan Rodriguez, rodeo clown, describing the time he witnessed a bullfighter lose a testicle to a bull horn in front of an audience. "Comedy doesn't quite work at that point," he added. The occasion for the verbal blood 'n' gore: the Professional Championship Bull Riders Tour that bucked its way through the Coliseum in the spring.

Just another day at home with a blues star: "Jaaa-cobb! Stop that! Mooom!" -- 12-year-old St. Louis blues sensation Darrien Safron, fending off the attentions and/or distractions of his 7-year-old cousin Jacob during an interview. The occasion: Darrien's Nothin' But the Blues Festival appearance in July.

Giddiness is next to Godliness, or thereabouts: "There's a giddy factor that defies even God's creation." -- Rocker Ted Nugent, describing his state of mind when stepping onto the concert stage just a year away from the big 6-0.

Take a look
Veteran rock wild man Ted Nugent played Bloomington's U.S. Cellular Coliseum in '07.
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